Looking to find Balance

Camila at 2 Months

 Camila is now two months old, and this is only my second post! I thought it would be a lot easier, but it wasn't. I told myself I'll just write when she sleeps, but my own sleep won over. I've made plenty of deals with myself over the past 2 months like "I'll sleep for an hour and wake up and write for an hour!" But things like that never happened. I wanted and cherished the sleep time that I was given and took full advantage of it. Jeff always tells me it's about finding balance, I try and try but I'm still trying to get the hang of it. It's definitely not easy.
I remember when I was pregnant and everyone told me you better sleep while you can, but what good is telling that to a pregnant woman? I was never comfortable enough during the last couple of months to sleep enough, and the number of times I got up to pee were ridiculous. I also remember thinking that it couldn't be that bad if it was then people wouldn't have kids! I know better now.
The fact is that it's horrible. Not really being able to think straight or concentrate on anything, and falling asleep during feedings and then feeling guilty when you snap back into consciousness and see that you've been feeding your baby's cheek for the last 5 minutes. But in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning when your baby magically stops crying after half an hour of going through a list of all the things that could be wrong, you  look down and sweet little eyes are looking up at you smiling, you're reminded that it's all completely worth it. Everything kind of just melts away, the tiredness, the frustrations, and the guilt because this little person you've created couldn't be more perfect.

Pictures taken by me! 
 As Camila gets older, it's getting easier, she's sleeping less throughout the day and a little more at night. I'm definitely growing with her. I know her cries, and I even know when she doesn't feel good. We've had to return to the hospital after she was born because of a virus that was passed to her from a family member that we didn't know was sick at the time. Seeing her hooked up to all those machines again definitely didn't feel too good. What was even scarier was that we didn't know what was wrong with her for 4 days and they pumped so many antibiotics into her, one was for meningitis just in case. It was a scary thought but as the days progressed and tests came back negative she got better. Today Camila is healthy and talking more than ever, smiling, and laughing out loud. It's amazing how much she's grown in only two months. It's also bittersweet. I wish I could make time stand still.
  This is one of the reasons for taking so many pictures of her. Pictures are used to capture the moment, moments we can never get back. As I get older time has seemed to have sped up, and I feel like I'll never catch up to it. I also seem to be forgetting more and more of younger years, which has also led me to want to document all of my baby girls firsts in some unique ways. Sometimes I feel like I annoy people who follow me on Social Media because of the volume of pictures I post, but to be honest I don't care most of the time. I'm so in love with my little girl and I don't care who knows it.

Camila's 1st Fourth of July!

Luz Photography is the name of my from home photography company! 

 I've taken on new business ventures in an attempt to be home for my daughter. If there was one thing I wanted growing up was to have more time with my mom. To me it didn't matter if we had money to go anywhere just as long, I just wanted my mom. I admire her so much for all the sacrifices she made to make sure we never went without, but I am determined to find a way to do both. Also unlike my mom until she met my amazing step dad I'm not alone. That does make a lot of a difference. Women that step up and do this parenting thing all alone are the strongest women. I cannot even begin to imagine how anyone can be that strong.

There is so much that the women in my family have taught me. From my grandma teaching herself English and how to drive in a completely different country, my mom starting from a receptionist at a company and now being a supervisor with no degree and her business in cakes, my aunt managing to successfully hold a job and her business of crafting beautiful tutu's and managing to keep 7 children alive, and my other aunt getting the furthest in college working as an accountant and her 2 kids under 7! We are masters at do-it-yourself and multi-tasking, we are all our own worst critics, yet everything that I've seen my family touch has come out beautiful. They have all managed to find some sort of balance that makes everything work. I am on the path to discovering my own balance and calling. I am overjoyed to see what God has in store for me, and where he is leading me. Now to stick with it and follow everything through to the end! I know that only good things await down the road. I have an amazing, supportive family, a beautiful daughter, and an amazing husband! I have been incredibly blessed. Take this journey with me and I promise you won't be disappointed!

I will try and post something every week from now on! I need to be more consistent with my blog if I want it to thrive!

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