Last night my mom came to me and told me of how my Godmother had shown my blog to a 23-year-old mom to be who was scared & was told she would have to have a c-section because her baby was too big. I don't know your name, but this one is for you!
1: Being Young Shouldn't Scare You
The fear of the unknown was a constant in my pregnancy. The fear of what other people think of when they look at you, the fear that something is going to go wrong, the fear the doctor instilled in me when he said my baby would be close to ten pounds after failing my first glucose test. The last thing I wanted was to have a C-Section, I had a birth plan, the moms on the facebook groups said that in order to bond with my baby I needed that "Golden Hour" after birth. I had to breastfeed, I was a woman so I needed to do things my body was designed to do... It turned out to really affect me after everything that happened. All those voices of the moms, the Pinterest articles, the advice from women older than me that I felt like I needed to listen to because they had already done this, they knew what they were doing. I didn't. My fear and depression kept me from enjoying my time to its fullest potential. I felt like I missed the first couple of weeks with my baby because I let what everyone else thought to dictate my emotions and my time mentally.
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| These pictures aren't bright & pretty but they're real! |
2: Listen To Your Body
This was probably my biggest mistake when I was in the delivery room. I let them break my water, even though I knew it was too early and that it would happen naturally when my body was ready. In letting them break my water, Camila ended up being without water for too long & we both got an infection because she was swimming in her own poop without any amniotic fluid to protect her or me. My doctor wasn't even at the same hospital as me, he was traveling from downtown to Pearland every couple of hours & the nurses were doing everything! I also was pressured into getting an epidural even though I could still handle the pain but I let fear dictate my decision...how do moms push when they can't feel their legs? Take deep breaths and try to drown out everyone else's voice and listen to what your body is telling you, it might sound weird but I promise you it has a voice! (You can read our Birth Story Here)
3: Don't Let The Doctors Pressure You Into Doing Something You Aren't Comfortable With
I ended up doing everything the Doctor, who wasn't even present just on the phone, told me to do. I was too afraid to use my voice, to tell them that I didn't think it was ok for them to break my water or get the epidural. It's hard to slow things down in your mind, though the pressure is so intense around giving birth. It's hard to slow things down mentally in that moment, but it's definitely something I would work on for my second (whenever we decide to go forward with that!)
4: It's OK to Cry
I literally balled my eyes out and made all the nurses cry because I couldn't do it; Because I felt like I had failed. I didn't want to but my body and soul felt drained and weak. I'm not that person that cries in public but I cried like a baby when they said they were prepping me for an emergency C-Section. In the back of my mind, I knew this was the only thing that could be done to get Camila out of there in one piece and as healthy as possible.
5: A C-Section Doesn't Mean You've Failed
In the end, all of that led me to where I am now. I have some regrets, but I've come to terms with them and have learned from them. I found a community of moms that had gone through what I had and felt accepted and validated. There's nothing like going from suffering in silence to finding a community of women that let you know that it's OK.
Camila is a thriving & crazy One and a half-year-old, she is the light of my world, and is a constant reminder that things in life worth having aren't easy! I hope this helps, and it wasn't just me rambling.
What are some questions you still have? Let me know in the comment section below!
