How My Toddler Fractured Her Femur

On Saturday, June 16th around 9 pm my little brother Noah and Mila were playing with my disposable table runner, the only way I can explain to you what this is by calling it gift wrap but made of a thicker material, in the upstairs living room while my sister, Jeff & I sat on the couches right in front of them watching TV. At some point they started fighting over it, which they do often because they're toddlers, and like we always do we took it away but since it was unwrapped and Mila had her foot on it when we pulled it she fell forward and let out the ugliest cry I had ever come out of her mouth. The cry was so loud my mom and dad came from downstairs to see what was the matter. After picking her off the ground and 15 minutes of looking over her body and trying to figure out what was wrong with her through her cries and screams we decided to take her to the emergency room.   

It felt like we leaped out of the car and ran inside and when I saw the nurses at the front desk I lost my words, the nurses yelled at me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't put sentences together and luckily my mom was there and I desperately tried to pull it together and suck up my tears and be strong but I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. They took Mila's vitals, sat us in a room and I carried Mila in my arms the entire time, I just didn't want to let her go. She was still crying in pain and didn't want to be put down. After X-rays, a slew of nurses and a puzzled doctor we were told that we needed to be transported to Texas Children's Hospital where Mila would be put under anesthesia to put on a spica cast and we were sent home around 11 pm on Sunday.   

I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of guilt or that I'm just not a good mother. I've gotten the judgment from so many people all I want to do is become a hermit until Mila is better again. How could I have let her break her leg right in front of me, I should have been watching her more closely, I should have not let her play with that stupid role of paper. I keep going over it in my head and trying to see what I could have done differently but I just need to move forward and trust that everything happens for a reason. 

Every time I have to move Mila to change her diaper, or just to adjust her because she's in an awkward position I struggle to hold my emotions in, I just can't handle the fact that she's in pain. That she can't move for 2 weeks, and that she's so scared for anyone to move her because she hasn't moved an inch because she knows it hurts. I know that things could have gone a lot worse, and there are parents going through worse things, but I can't help but feel this way. Every time I look at her in that cast it just makes me want to cry, but she's so strong and full of life I know I need to be stronger for her.  

Yesterday's struggle was getting Mila to eat but her appetite is slowly coming back, today's struggle was getting Noah to understand that he couldn't play with Mila bear and that upset him alot. We're going to take this day by day and I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes we so appreciate them.